pearls

There is something about pearls. TT and I went to the theatre, and I layered on the pearls. Wore a shirred black v-necked top over a breezy black chiffon skirt and Nine West black kitten heels(big owie on the back!). Dot said, "Mom, you look really nice!" She even sounded a titch green.

I don't like just one plain strand. Makes me feel like Barbara Bush. I never could understand why she did not listen to the stylists and cover that grey and spice it up a bit. You know, back in the day when she looked like the President's mother? Now they match. She most likely was very secure and felt no need for all that vanity.

Call me shallow, but vanity is my life. I work in front of a mirror and am backed by countless trend tutoring publications. Vogue, Lucky, Cosmo, InStyle, W. . . to name a few.

Fashion is so cyclical. Just a few years ago, I was chortling over hang-ons that insisted on wearing a BOB! Now it is the hottest "new" trend going. I have been predicting the return of Caucasion afros! Don't laugh!!!!

But pearls. The timeless feminine statement of elegance and a touch of vulnerability. Why else would Jesus say, ". . . the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it."? (Mt 13)

Fabulous multi-generational connection. We can don our grandmother's strand, our mother's strand, spice it up with today's version, swish into a room and . . .

. . . you finish the sentence!!! 

gain

I wasn't going to do it. I was going to keep my mouth shut and not say a word on this blog.

But, I have to share it. This has been the very best week of my life. I started a new blog about various destructive habits I wanted to quit.

All I know is this. God must be very serious about the keeping of His temple, because He has let me know, in no uncertain terms that He is ecstatic about my new choices!!!! I had THE biggest week of my career. Not only was it financially the best, I had so much fun.

I have been stupid happy all week. TT wouldn't know, because I have dropped into bed in exhaustion when I get home! I have also been real quiet about my changes. Like, I did not want to say anything even to him. I needed to heed the Voice I was hearing and obey and not have a big discussion about it.

From the doldrums of my September 11 post to today feels like a journey out of Hell. One of the joys has been helping a friend totally reorganize her home. It would be like if I had moved into my mother's home after she died, but tried to fit my stuff around her stuff. Oi. My friends have been through a heartwrenching couple of years and now she is ready to make all these changes.

She said we looked scarey with bandanas wrapped around our noses to protect us from the dust. Then her daughter found us real dust masks! Breathing got easier. We have laughed until we cry over the "treasures" we found.

I turn into a machine with projects like this.

Trash.

Save.

Trash.

Save.

Now their bedroom is their own. Their office is their own. And today after church, their dining room will be ready.

It IS more blessed to give than to recieve! I gave God my bad habits. I gave my friend my time and organizing energies. . . and I have peace and joy! What an exchange.

I love the economy of the Lord.

decision

I missed something along the way that could have saved me a lot of anguished hand-wringing. I thought I still had a decision to make about whether I was going to move to the new salon.

For weeks, I have been making mental lists of the strengths and weaknesses of both salons. I felt like that song, "torn between two lovers. . ." because I have a heart attachment to both salons. I have a very hard time saying good bye.

I am also, much to my embarrassment, a very fearful person. I am scared to death "something" will happen and I will fail to keep home and hearth together. I am the back-up plan. So my age scares me, the economy scares me, a new place scares me. Good Lord, I sound afraid of my own shadow!

Last night, we had a porch meeting between my daughter and I. She is never confrontive with me. Until now.

"Mom, to R (owner of new salon) and his staff, you have given your word that you want to move. How can you go back on it?"

"Mom, this is a pattern of yours. You go gung-ho into something new, find something wrong with it and back out."

"It took you TEN years to go to London and see your BEST friend. Every year you would say 'this summer we are going' and then you'd back out. Thank God you went when you did because now she has moved back to the States."

"You would not have gone to Costa Rica if I hadn't forced the issue."

It was hard to listen to. But I had to. Her face was flushed with passion. She loves me. It was an honest, courageous moment for her.

"Dot, why do you want me to make the move, outside of keeping my word?"

"Because I want to see you work in a professional, beautiful environment under the leadership of a man who respects you, has compassion for you, listens to you, likes you. I want you to see you can still grow more, get even more busy, and learn more. I want to see you give this wonderful salon atmosphere to your clients, where they are greeted with a beverage choice in a beautiful stemmed glass. I want to see you blossom."

You would have thought I melted on the spot. I am stubborn.

An hour later, our friends F and S were over. We were discussing things spiritual and we read the Sept 14 devotion . "For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." The meditation was in praise of Father, Son and Holy Spirit for the plan of salvation and the mercy He has to us fallen creatures.

As I read the devotion aloud to TT and our friends, tears jumped into my eyes because what I was seeing is the Father gave His word, oral and in His Son, and to their own hurt, KEPT their word.

At that very point, keeping my word became an issue of FAITH and the fear melted. My stubborn streak is from fear.

At 9:37 p.m. I texted my Dot, "It's all about faith. I will come with you, my dear daughter. I will keep my word without fear, because He has kept His word to me. My future is in His hands."

All night, I dreamt of decorating options and woke ready to order my new chairs and go to the paint store! My peace and joy have returned.

Thank you Dot.

rising

No sooner had I clicked "Publish Post" below did my phone ring and ring and ring. Had some good talks/listens with a couple of very dear friends. Seems I have been sending out a "Do Not Disturb" vibe. Hmmm.

Been going to a devotions website every morning and I feel my spirit growing from the nurture of His Word. From Tuesdays's reading, I realized my need to find an avenue to give of myself, give something back to the community that houses, feeds and clothes us as an expression of gratitude to the One who has given me favor. Once I get through this move quandry, I will find a place to serve, at least once a month.

Began reading "Crossing the Tiber" by Steven Ray which is the story of his journey from the Protestant to the Catholic Church. Absolutely fascinating. Fifteen hundred years of history that gets overlooked . . . And this because a friend of mine is on her own journey to Catholicism. She inspired me to return to my passion to study.

Tomorrow night, TT and I are hosting her and her husband for a casual dinner and deep discussion of faith issues. I can hardly wait!

My back screamed hard today. I now have an appointment October 6 with a neurosurgeon. He has a fabby reputation here. I long to live pain free and be able to resume walking for exercise.

To those who pray for us, please don't stop. I have only crawled out of the pit. Have a long way to go to be strong and faithful. To those who send love and good wishes, keep sending them!

Empty

What is wrong with me?

Anxious, agitated, restless, lonely, scared. . . unsettling.

I feel empty spiritually. I wish I got more phone calls from friends (especially now that I have a new Treo 650 Smartphone!) and then I had this disturbing thought.

I used to call on God a lot. I had conversations with Him off and on all day and night. Now, the only time I talk to Him is when I want something or am scared about something. Oh, I still pray for my friends and give thanks for my food.

But I don't commune with Him like a trusted confidante. So, if I don't call Him, why would He motivate others to call me? And what do I have to give? Where has that strong faith gone? It seems to have evaporated like the morning dew under the blaze of the noon sun.

I have this fear of being a judgemental zealot, obnoxious and self-righteous, loathing of sinner's sinfulness. So, I have distanced myself from the Bible, from Christian music, from prayer, really from Him. I am not happy in this state. Empty, shallow with nothing to offer those suffering around me.

I fail at loving TT. I am impatient and selfish, hiding away in my office, over my lappy or my dumb (!!) phone or my organizing projects. How lonely he must be. We used to have these great times of spiritual communion where together we would marvel at the faithfulness and love of God.

We both are shut down, discouraged, disgruntled and self-medicated. Him with food and TV, me with projects and alcohol.

O God, help me return to You, help me find You again, help me love You the tender way I once did. I am so bored with being in my own company.

So, why would anyone else seek me out?

Home

My body arrived back from Costa Rica Monday night, midnight.

The rest of me is just starting to accept being home. I love deeply, get hurt deeply, according to the findings of a "fruity" personality test. (A pineapple fire-monkey. . . now that is a Costa Rica combination!) So, as I fell in love with Paris, I have left part of my heart in Centroamerica. I understand Lofty Perch's yearnings to return.

We stayed in a 7000 square foot, six bedroom/six bath villa in Manuelo Antonio which is in the rainforest mountains right on the Pacific Ocean. Two beautiful worlds collided into one utopia. Our host and hostess are clients of mine, friends of ours and generous beyond words. Their place is staffed with the most fabby chef, Roger, and three of the dearest girls who kept the house spotless and our laundry fresh.

There were a total of eight guests, TT and I, Dot and Boyfriend and two other couples. We gathered around the huge almond wood table three times a day to be nourished by Roger's culinary creativity and joyful conversations.

We all went on a Butterfly tour in a two level, tent shaped screened area, filled with rainforest plants, flowers, a stream, park benches and hundreds of butterflies. If you were wearing a blue shirt, all the blue butterflies would take turns landing on you. It was delightfully magical. Had I been five years old, I know I would have been sure I was a fairy princess! We actually got to see butterflies hatched out of the cocoons.

Dot, Boyfriend and another guest went on the Canopy Tour, flying through the forest on high wires. I was glad I did not know until they were safe at home that they only had one wire. What good is a safety line if everything is attached to one wire?!

Those three also took the coveted Rain Forest Horseback Tour. My heart longed to go. I love horses. I love how they smell, how the straw and hay smells, even how their pooey smells (they only eat grain!!). I anguished and debated. As the tour guide bounced up the mountain road to collect his customers, I sadly waved good-bye and blew Dot a kiss. Good-bye to my dream. Ah, I have a high-heels heart, but an Earth Shoes back. And I have a horseriders heart, but a motor scooter back. I could not risk my future by foolishly ignoring my feeble disc.

So, TT and I and another couple, J and M, went on the Mangrove Tour. It was a boat ride into the canals in the Mangroves. We were visited by monkeys. One even preened into the mirror of my Arbonne tres chic compact (ah, it pays to be vain and carry cosmetics into the wild!) They would jump onto the roof of our boat and play peeky-booh with us! We all laughed like children.

Another phenomenon was the "Jesus Christ" Lizard. Not his technical name of course, but nicknamed because he can walk (really run) on water. TT said, "This has been quite a trip. We have had five encounters with Jesus Christ!" (He did not mean that with disrespect.)

TT was quite the hit. Overcoming his fear of flying has been a wonderful accomplishment. On the last leg of our journey, from San Jose airport to Manuelo Antonio we had to squeeze into this tiny Cessna Caravan with a ten inch aisle. How TT ever made it, or any of the other men, I don't know. The pilot looked back on his can of sardines and said, "We have very bad weather ahead of us, so we are going to TRY to make it through, but we may have to turn around." GREAT!

Back to TT. He is not the type to try to be center stage. But his humor does that for him. One conversation over lunch was about how our host had built a huge facility for battered women. He also taught them Bible studies and helped established job placement help and such.

TT turned to me and said, "Sounds like a Betty Crocker bake off."

"Whaaaaaat?!!!", I hissed in exasperation, as I was actually listening to our host.

"You know, all those battered women!" TT grins.

While we were on the Mangrove Tour, we were going down one canal where the trees sit on root systems that extend out above the water by ten feet. They kind of look like monsters. The monkeys run up and down the exposed roots with amazing speed.

Our new friend J, sitting behind TT in the boat, tapped TT's shoulder.

"Hey, TT, I wonder just where we are?"

"Looks to me like we are in a Root Canal!"

I suppose we all stopped laughing when we were on our way back from the tour and had to cross the "Oh My God" bridge. It is named that because that is what everyone says when they see it and have to cross it. You cannot even imagine how shakey, how many holes. . . and as our guide was quick to point out, it is very high over deep water and very hungry crocodiles! Thankfully, we made it.

A bunch of us went to a Salsa Club one night. TT was sweet to allow me to dance with many Costa Ricans. They all shook his hand, "Gracias Senor." And TT and I danced and Dot and Boyfriend danced with us. It was so much fun!

My eyes miss the lush forest, the brilliant joyful flowers, the dreamy Pacific. My taste buds miss the fresh caught fish, the red beans and rice for breakfast, salads and fruits. (Though, not entirely true as TT has been upping the ante on his cooking and has determined to become a Roger in the kitchen! He has been doing a great job!) My ears miss the sounds of the forest, the birds, the geccos, the rain dancing on the giant forest leaves and splattering into the pool. My body misses the restfulness of a laid back culture, savoring the simple, making the most of each moment. My heart misses daily meals with my whole family and new, but dear friends.

So, I am going to go have a bite of pineapple, and as TT said, sit on our front porch and cry!