June 14, 2008

forgiveness, part two

Very interesting responses to my previous post.

I had a choice. To bow up and get offended at their critisisms of me, or to get the Father's perspective.

I know, deep in my knower that people that critisize, get offended, hold grudges, act poorly are themselves wounded and hurting and not real secure with their person and purpose in life.

Whole, secure people are compelled to give mercy, compassion, to uplift and nurture those around them. For me, it is a minute by minute journey. Sometimes I act out of that adult and whole part of me and other times I spew out of the wounded and childish part of me.

Jesus gave us the example when the scripture says the whole community would come out to hear Him and He would look at the multitude, have compassion and heal them ALL. I believe in that multitude was every sin in the spectrum. But He saw the cause of the sin, the abused or neglected or bullied child who did not process life correctly and became an abuser, etc.

The enemy of our soul, the Devil, is always there to accuse us, condemn us, judge us, make us feel hopeless. When we want to see ourselves as worthless, hopeless, degenerate failures, that voice is not our own, not God's, but the enemy who has come to steal, to kill and to destroy (us).

TT and I were in a miserable mess twelve years ago. We moved here because our marriage was dead and we hated each other. Loved each other, too. You know what a fine line that is. While Revival brought us back into a closer relationship with Jesus, it was the teachings of an older woman who brought healing to our broken hearts. It did not happen fast. Kind of like trying to restore someone who had been dragged behind a car for a mile or two.

But month by month, we listened to her Healing Solutions and she would put her hand on our heart and pray for the healing oil and wine of the Lord to heal all our broken places. And bit by bit, we experienced His mercy and forgiveness and healing power.

Once I experienced His compassion for me, it was much easier to look at others with His compassion. And to finally STOP judging.

I also learned boundaries. I learned that it was not judgemental to say no to behaviors others might want to inflict on me. For example, not partaking in gossip by listening to them. Not being manipulated or pushed around. That is was okay to require respect and courtesy for my time, my talent, my resources, etc.

Do I think last Saturday's conversation was entirely "fair" or "right"? Heck, no. I do not agree with their belief that it is okay to tell other people why they are mad at me and not tell me. Likewise it is not right for them to gripe to me about their problems with others. It is not right to hold anger and suspect against me for something that happened two years ago!! And turns out, it was not rightly percieved anyway.

But, am I okay with it? Yes. I know they are deeply wounded. I will choose compassion. And take each day as it comes. Truth is, I love them. So, what does love do. . .

. . . 1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues
of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

God, help me.


Biddie said...

Forgiveness has never come easy for me. Never. I think that you are a much stronger person than I will ever be.
I wish that I had your faith, too. That is another struggle for me.
I pray, and I believe in God and I try to live my life as a Christian, but it so hard sometimes. I do try...

Anna said...

I love you, Heidi. Please know you are a blessing to me. Thank you again, for letting me crash Sarah's haircut. :)

Gardenia said...

Wow, good post!

I loved the part about being dragged by a truck or car - jees, have a short memory, here. Yes, what does one do when your hide has been dragged off?

Yeh, I remember someone once told me "wounded people wound people." You took the high road with your response.

However, I just do super hate it when someone comes up to me and says, "I forgive you" and the "offense" is old, no discussion ever, and then to know the person has sat on that supposed "offense" like a hen on an egg, then has the gall to tell me about it!!!!

Yep, that is flesh talking - you took the spiritual road....one reason I admire you so.

The Manic Street Preacher said...

What's not to like?????

Love yer babe xxx