February 13, 2008

Just Plain Happy

I thank God for my priest telling me the way out of depression was to compromise my expectations and get HAPPY with my reality.

It resonated with me how much of my life I have spent miserable over what would later ammount to nothing. I have always been a "make a mountain out of a molehill" kind of person. Oi.

When I decided to get happy, nothing much had changed. Funny, the changes came later.

God gave me the amazing grace to forgive a huge debt. As I held the debtor ransom, my heart was in bondage. I was playing Christmas music from our old church, Brownsville and the Spirit of God swept my heart and I knew the way out of the torment. . . forgive it and let it go. I was free as soon as I said, "Yes, Lord, I release and forgive."

Soon after that, TT, Dot and Hub would go to Orlando and stay with Jade and the children. Gloriously, I was given back my heart-daughter. Dot is my blood daugher. My beloved firstborn.

When I was in my first marriage, I told him I wanted us to pray for the Lord to bring us an older girl to adopt so Dot would have an older sister. He thought I was nuts. Really, I did too.

We divorced two years later. And along comes TT, my knight in shining armor. And Jade. I cut her hair one afternoon. And fell in love with her. God had prepared my heart for her two years before. That is why I call her my heart daughter. She helped TT and I get together. She started calling me "mom" before her father and I even married.

Dot came to me and said, "Mommy, I want Jade for my sister and TT for my daddy."

There was alot of love among us. Why it fell apart is history. How it came back together is a miracle. I can't forget that it happened AFTER I forgave the big debt. Like forgiving was the token for the richness of a healed family.

I love Jade. Deeply. Dot and I are twins in many areas. But in many, we are opposite. And that's where Jade and I are alike. I feel like my heart has warm honey flowing over it. I have both my girls. I need them both. Dot tried to fill the gap and be all for me. She couldn't. I will never forget that she tried.

When she and Jade got reconnected, I told Dot, "Now I can die in peace, knowing you won't be alone, you have your sister." She said, "I thought about that."

I am in no hurry!!

I have had a broken heart over not having more children. I decided to believe God would fill my life. Now I have many! Two twelve year old god-daughters, an eight year old god-son, a five year old god-daughter and a twelve year old and six year old granddaughter!!! My arms are rarely empty and my heart stays full of joy.

Every day I go to work to a full schedule of fabulous clients/friends. Work is a JOY! How is it legal to have so much FUN earning a living?

My husband is a loving, caring, kind man who makes the best spaghetti in the world and who keeps me sane in the mornings when I can't decide what to wear and need my lunch packed. He loves me, through and through.

I have decided why waste today worrying about tomorrow? "For I have been young and I have been old, but I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their seed begging for bread," says the psalmist.

Life is seasonal. I spent a decade in lonely agony and disappointment. How I pictured my life and how it has been are worlds apart. TT and I lost the excessive riches of this world. But we have gained the better. We share a magnificent faith, a deeply loving family and dear friends. Like I heard at Thanksgiving, "Thank You for friends that are like family and family that are friends." It is so wonderful to be in this happy place.

Tomorrow is Valentines. Thank You Lord for how You have poured out Your care and love into my life.

5 comments:

FOUR DINNERS said...

Happy Valentines babe x

You've a great family. Me too.

Ultimately you get what you deserve and you deserve the best.

Oi! yer've a middle aged adopted loony 'n all yer no ;-)

d34FpUpPy said...

happy (St.) Valentines Day
did he lose his saintness ?

Gardenia said...

You truly have the better riches!

Further on up the road said...

Happy St Valentines Day (sorry I'm late)

Great great post - much to be learnt in there

Jada's Gigi said...

I love reading that you are So happy! So few know how to be...