decision

I missed something along the way that could have saved me a lot of anguished hand-wringing. I thought I still had a decision to make about whether I was going to move to the new salon.

For weeks, I have been making mental lists of the strengths and weaknesses of both salons. I felt like that song, "torn between two lovers. . ." because I have a heart attachment to both salons. I have a very hard time saying good bye.

I am also, much to my embarrassment, a very fearful person. I am scared to death "something" will happen and I will fail to keep home and hearth together. I am the back-up plan. So my age scares me, the economy scares me, a new place scares me. Good Lord, I sound afraid of my own shadow!

Last night, we had a porch meeting between my daughter and I. She is never confrontive with me. Until now.

"Mom, to R (owner of new salon) and his staff, you have given your word that you want to move. How can you go back on it?"

"Mom, this is a pattern of yours. You go gung-ho into something new, find something wrong with it and back out."

"It took you TEN years to go to London and see your BEST friend. Every year you would say 'this summer we are going' and then you'd back out. Thank God you went when you did because now she has moved back to the States."

"You would not have gone to Costa Rica if I hadn't forced the issue."

It was hard to listen to. But I had to. Her face was flushed with passion. She loves me. It was an honest, courageous moment for her.

"Dot, why do you want me to make the move, outside of keeping my word?"

"Because I want to see you work in a professional, beautiful environment under the leadership of a man who respects you, has compassion for you, listens to you, likes you. I want you to see you can still grow more, get even more busy, and learn more. I want to see you give this wonderful salon atmosphere to your clients, where they are greeted with a beverage choice in a beautiful stemmed glass. I want to see you blossom."

You would have thought I melted on the spot. I am stubborn.

An hour later, our friends F and S were over. We were discussing things spiritual and we read the Sept 14 devotion . "For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." The meditation was in praise of Father, Son and Holy Spirit for the plan of salvation and the mercy He has to us fallen creatures.

As I read the devotion aloud to TT and our friends, tears jumped into my eyes because what I was seeing is the Father gave His word, oral and in His Son, and to their own hurt, KEPT their word.

At that very point, keeping my word became an issue of FAITH and the fear melted. My stubborn streak is from fear.

At 9:37 p.m. I texted my Dot, "It's all about faith. I will come with you, my dear daughter. I will keep my word without fear, because He has kept His word to me. My future is in His hands."

All night, I dreamt of decorating options and woke ready to order my new chairs and go to the paint store! My peace and joy have returned.

Thank you Dot.