presence

This has been a beautiful week. I have been loved in all directions.

Friends and family have brought over meals, flowers, plants, cards and visited with me.

My good friend L has been going through an amazing journey with the Lord and her walk with Him has helped me come back into His presence. Had I been working, I would not have been available for 2:00 a.m. phone conversations. Her transformation from fearful victim to courageous, joyful overcomer takes my breath away.

She has had incredible, miraculous answer to prayer that has encouraged me back into conversation with the Lord.

I got this new CD by Brian and Jenn Johnson, WE BELIEVE, that has changed the atmosphere of my home into a haven of joy and hope and peace. Mostly, feeling His presence again, softly, tenderly caring for me, healing my weary heart.

I feel rested, renewed (goes with our freshly painted Family Room in Behr green called Shakespeare!), restored. I have been walking about 2 1/2 miles a day, per doc's orders. I take a nap every afternoon!

Our god children come over every night for dinner and games or a movie. When they leave, I usually go to bed, so I am really taking good care of myself.

I have only taken one pain pill and a few Advil. Am taking lots of vitamins, drinking nearly a gallon of water, eating protein again!

Mostly what I have learned is the presence of God is with me, for me, He is my sustainer, I am not alone, He is our provider and He cares about all the tiny details of our lives. He is gently revealing the parts of my heart that have been closed off to Him.

He is gracious and good and He has made my recovery time marvelous. I am so glad now that I was under "house arrest" as I called it!

In the stillness, His presence took me to a place of great peace.

Thank you for all your prayers. As you can see, He hears you!

pruned

Here it is 2:30 a.m. I should be sleeping. Had to write. Am standing as I write, as I have been instructed to only sit for twenty minutes at a time and to walk, walk, walk.

The drugs from the 11:00 a.m. surgery are beginning to wear off and I have only an ache at the surgical site. NO PAIN down my ravaged leg. The piranha is gone. Thank GOD, a million times.

I worked Tuesday and Wednesday. Honestly, I did not think I would make it. The grace of God, A's fabulous help, and my determination to take care of my fabulous clients. . . I made it through. We did in two days what we normally do in three days.

I am taking off all next week. The doctor wants me off for two weeks. I will be off for eleven days. That is pretty close. And thankfully, my schedule is jammed for the next month.

Dot took me to the surgery center this morning and stayed with me for a while. We had some very good conversation. She made the statement, in reference to cooking a meal after working all day, that she hates stress.

She said, "I don't like myself when I am stressed." Hmmmmmm. I have been thinking about this all day.

I don't like me when I am stressed either. I just have never put it that way. Or stepped back to look at the picture of my stress. Yech. Stress most likely has attacked my back.

See why I love her so? Over the years, she has dropped these simple nuggets of gold that have helped alter my life view.

Today a slipped disk was pruned. And so was an unhealthy response to my full and blessed life.

Good work, docs. . .

decision

I am giving up my fight and gonna have surgery. I have tried everything natural and conservative to save my back. I am still in very bad pain.

Thursday at eleven in the morning, I will submit myself to a microscopic discectomy, an outpatient one hour surgery. The neurosurgeon is promising an end to all the leg pain. He feels I may have residual back pain, maybe.

I will take off from work until Tuesday, July 30. I have been told to do a lot of walking, that walking heals the back. Cannot sit or lie down any longer than twenty minutes at a time, with the exception of nighttime sleeping.

I am taking lots of Vitamin C and eating more protein.

I had a tonsillectomy at seven, birthed my daughter at twenty-two. Don't frequent hospitals much!

But it is time to get help. I am a little scared, but more relieved.

second shot

The pain is back. Was improving so much, enough to even cook and do some light things around the house on Saturday.

In the middle of Monday night, I got up and was so happy to realize I was even better. Almost no pain as I walked down the hall and then back to my bed. But Tuesday morning, I was sleeping soundly when my alarm went off and I jerked to answer it. . . Yes, you guessed, I felt the strain immediately.

So yesterday was tough and today at work was even worse. I am okay sitting, but I cannot stand up for ten seconds without the roaring pain all the way down my hip to my ankle.

I called the pain management doc this morning on his cell. He called back at 8:30 tonight. He is going to try to get me in for a second epidural about 7:00 a.m. tomorrow. He leaves for a ten day vacation tomorrow afternoon. Thank God I called today.

I am discouraged. I am really thinking about surgery. I just cannot manage this extreme pain. And to have it get worse over something so simple as turning my alarm off. . . that is just crazy.

So, I need prayers for healing and mercy.

I also need someone to tell my why my Picaso piccys are not showing on previous post? Very irritating.

Of course, everything irritates me right now. Pain sure reveals a yechy side of me. God help me suffer better.

cycles

Remember how awful I looked April 17 with that terrible hair cut? Mommie called the same groomer because she really is a nice lady. Told her just to shave between my eyes, clean up my feet, pull the hair out of my ears (yowwwwwwwwwwww!) and bath me.

I am much happier with how I look. Some of my bangs have to grow more to get into my pink bow.

Actually, yesterday was a happy and grumpy day. After a visit to the emergency room two weeks ago, an epidural shot and lots of Advil, Mommie's back seems better. She has been drinking a gallon of water a day, sleeping at least nine hours a night and taking her liquid glucosamine/condroitin. She changed beds around and has found the hard guest bed worked better than her soft, memory foam topped bed.

She even cooked dinner for our good neighbors. She had to sit while she was cutting up peaches for her homemade peach cobbler (yumm!), but still, she cooked! She was very pleased with herself. I hope she did not overdo it. She is moving a bit slower today.

The grouchy part of yesterday was that I . . . became a woman. I. . uh. . .er. . . ahem. . . began my female cycle for the first time. My birthday is November 4, so I guess I am a late bloomer. Now Mommie understands why I was growling at all those dogs at the Fourth of July party she took me to.

So, last night, after dinner, I was so excited (blush) that our neighbors brought their boys over to see me!!!!

I tried to tell both of them that I was. . . er. . . available.

Duh. . . they kissed and sniffed.

And I have to admit, I acted a bit forward. . . but. . . grrrrrrrrrrr. . . that was it. A big nothing of a night. Daddy and Mommie made me mad. They kept laughing at me.

How rude and insensitive was THAT? Parents. They just don't get us kids.