nose

I have been thinking a lot about my nose. I have to. It works way too well.

First of all, as a Fire Monkey, I stick it where it does not belong and then have to painfully extract it with many apologies. I can't help it. I think people are just so fascinating. I like to learn how they think and what motivates their oft strange behavior.

Why did God put this thing that runs right in the middle of our face? Every morning at work, I have to stop and sop it up and my clients are forever asking, "Hattigrace, do you have a cold?"

"No, it's called morning nose." It runs every morning. I get my makeup just right, my lips done with liner, lipstick and gloss (I have never been able to find one perfect tube to make that a simple application), and then, my nose starts running. Worse are the sneezes. Dab, blow, pat and soon, all the makeup is gone. Men don't have this problem. Of course, men with mustaches is another issue. Don't you wonder what kind of bacterial treasures lurk in the facial hair of an allergy sufferer?

I use handkerchiefs. Tissues make me sneeze more and they leave little lint things stuck in my makeup. I am enough of a flake without white particles hanging off my face!

I often think how totally gross it is to keep my nose residues in a lovely linen. I hate it when I drop my hankie and someone else picks it up to return it to me. Eeewww, how disgusting. But, I cannot bear to throw away one of my vintage dainties, so I snatch it from them with a hundred apologies that they had to touch the thing!

I panic if I am at the grocery store in the freezer isle if I don't have a hankie. Cold makes my nose run. If I am at a restaurant, hot food gets it going. And what a faux pas to use my napkin to dedrip my overactive nose. But, I will use my cocktail napkin and let my martini sit on the bare table.

If someone walks past me with a pungent perfume, I have been known to explode with sneezes. "Oh, God, where is my hankie??" I scramble for any way to hide the incriminating evidence.

What if our noses were in some discreet place, like at our elbow? Wouldn't that be better than right out in public display? I know, they are above our mouth so when we eat, we enjoy the full culinary benefit. And they can lead us to prevent disasters, like food burning on the stove or a litter box that needs emptying before company arrives.

I could take antihistamines to keep it dry, but I don't like taking drugs.

So, I have a million hankies. I keep them in my car, my purse, my pockets, my drawer at work, under my pillow and stuck in the crevice of the couch. They have become so signature for me that my family can follow the hankie trail and find me anywhere.

When I smell a pot of fresh coffee, a beautiful rose, a spring rainshower or turkey on Thanksgiving, I am happy for my nose. And, I forgive it for all the times it embarrasses me.