struggling

I took off on Friday. Just to have a "me" day. I set up a little "art studio" space in our "library". I went to the local craft store. Bought a cheesy stand-up easel, because my back is objecting to too much sitting.

And I bought more acrylic paint, more brushes, drawing pads, pencils erasers, books, canvases and such. My daughter is a bit quizzical, though supportive of this "new" interest of mine. I saw something change in her eyes towards me when I showed her my sketch pad that dated back to 1996.

I have wanted to paint for a long time. My problem? I am so impatient. I want to be great instantly. My adult brain knows better. I guess it is the child in me that wants success NOW!

I am aggravated because I have not been able to find any acrylic beginning painting classes. People say, "Just paint." But that is not my belief system. I know I don't know anything about it. I like to learn from masters. I believe they can save me a lot of grief.

Plus, they will make me do what I don't want to do so I am able to do what I long to do. They will force a discipline that I don't even know I need.

My son-in-law said to take drawing classes. Oi. I know he is right. That is boring to me. I love color. It is also intimidating, because I am not a natural at it. But, I just read on Duey's Drawings that drawing is "60% patience, 30% seeing and 10% ability."

What an encouragment! Also tells me I desperately need help with the "seeing" part. So, I will call PJC tomorrow and see if they have any drawing classes since they had no acrylic painting classes.

I have put this part of me on hold for too many years. For about five years, I did not touch it because of my daughter's involvement with an artist. When we went to an art festival together and he rolled his eyes over how "terrible" their art was, I thought to myself I would never make myself vulnerable to his harsh critique.

But today is a new day. I am surrounded with love and support. I have no goals with art. I just want training. I want to see what is in me that has never been released because of no training.

I love color. I love joy. I love humor. I love depth. How does that translate to canvas? I don't know. But I want to.