Merry Christmas Isabella, er, TT!

I tried to load this movie to YouTube, but having problems. So, thought I would show you the still at least.

I only lie about good things, like what I am giving my husband for Christmas! He was pretty surprised, to say the least.

Always good to have Isabella's approval.

And, 4Dinners, have a very happy birthday!

He's home!!

It was way too quiet this weekend. Okay, be honest Hattigrace. . . Uh, I did get a lot done. First, I rested, slept, rested and slept. I did not eat any sugar or drink any wine. I felt like I was coming up out of quicksand. My chest had been feeling very tight. Not pain, just pressure. Arms, uh, the left one, going numb at night when I was not laying on it. Hmmmmm.

Dang it, my body is way sensitive. I knitted this really cool short cape. Giant needles, so it went fast. Felt good to knit again.

TT was in O with Dot and Hub. Seeing TT's elder Dot. And his grand dots! A very happy time for them. And for me, cause I would die if I couldn't see my Dot, and it had been a long time for TT. But the quiet of the house even got to Isabella. She kept getting up in his chair, waiting at the top of the stairs for him, looking at me as if to say, "What did you do with him?"

He had a wonderful time. His younger grand dot gave him this little pony. Of course, Isabella couldn't stand it that TT didn't give it to her to play with. We heard all sorts of whining and carrying on!

His elder grand dot gave him this singing coffee cup! I LOVE it! Like Father Mercy told me, "Hattigrace, sometimes we have to compromise our expectations so we can get happy with our realities." Words that have changed my life. Oh, that's right, the cup is TT's!!! Well, I hope he plays the song for me a lot!

See the two remotes? That was one of his bigger Christmas gifts. I got him DVR. I had it set up while he was gone. Complete with red bows! When he saw it, he asked with great excitement, "Did you get a new TV?!!!!" That kind of stung. . . wish I could have. As it is, the presents under the tree look like we have twelve children. It is going to be a very good Christmas, but I am not Donald Trump!! He felt bad he had said anything, I felt bad I can't do more. But I think he is real happy about the DVR. He will be able to have his own instant replay on football games and we can watch American Idol with no commercials!!

So, he's back home, snoring in his chair while Isabella is lurking about trying to swipe his pony. Don worry, be 'appy!

Eduardo's Story of Life

Go see BELLA, the movie. It is supposed to be beautiful.

Evel Knievel accepted Jesus Christ

This is beautiful.

Thanksgiving Day

Isn't life about family and friends? We had a fabulous Thanksgiving. Thirteen at the table. Teaching our god-children how to make fresh whipped cream was so fun!

Only my helpers get to lick the beaters! One trauma at about 11:30, just as I was putting the sweet potatos and the corn pudding in the oven. My oven QUIT! Flashed on it's screen, "Call Service Professional". Thank GOD TT has been taking care of our great neighbor's dogs and had a key to their house. We used their oven and so once again, they literally saved the day!! Wheeewwww.

After we had all gourged ourselves on too much food, we had a Silly String War! What fun. Got us all laughing, running from each other. In general, we were breathing, which none of us thought we could do when we tottered away from the table!

You know, it is a great compliment when my Dot feels at home enough still that she takes a nappy! We had a lovely chit-chat. Okay, I had more photos for this post of TT. . . I don't know where Picasa put them. I will try again later.

Meanwhile, just wanted to say, we had a very good day. We hold Isabella close to our aching hearts and are healing a bit from our loss.
I moved a bunch of furnature around to accomodate all the people and decided I loved the change. So, our dining room is now where the living room was and the former dining room, which is right off the kitchen is a sitting room. I think the new term is the "occassion room"? Anyway, the house seems bigger, more current, and certainly more welcoming.

Christmas tree goes up tomorrow!! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

gone

We are so sad. Picked up puppy at airport last night, 10:00. She was very dirty, as had been traveling in her little crate since 3:45. She flew from Kentucky to Cincinnati to here.

She seemed so tiny, frail. Brought her home, gave her some food and water, introduced her to Isabella. Well, puppy was scared to death of enthusiastic, tail wagging, barking big sister. She cried out in distress.

I took her to "her room", cleaned her up, against her will gave her some Nutrical and tried to get her to drink some more water. She threw up a couple of times. I thought it was from the stress.

This morning, I went into the bathroom to little piles of diarrhea. . . she was very weak, but wagged her tail when she saw me. Tim immediately took her to the vet.

They were concerned about all her symptoms and said they would I.V. her and keep her for the day. Two hours later, we lost her.

After the autopsy, the doc called me. She had Parvo. We could not have saved her. The stress of the trip most likely exacerbated it, but she was so tiny, bony, that she did not have much to fight with.

We have spent the rest of the day and night washing floors, laundry, decontaminating our home in protection of Isabella. She is current on her vaccinations. But it is still scary.

Our hearts are heavy. It will be a while before we recover from this.

nervous

Sister arrives tomorrow night at 9:30. I have given Isabella her bath and hair do. Spent a lot of time with her. She is used to being the only princess. . .

Have done a lot of reading on how to successfully bring a new puppy into a family. Don't introduce them face to face, but you know where they sniff each other. . . have not read, should puppy sniff Isabella first, or vice versa? Anyone know?

Gonna be careful to treat Isabella as the apple of my eye and not ignore her for the puppy. That's what has me nervous, because I think Isabella is so sweet because of how much I handled her and loved on her and talked soft and sweet to her. How is puppy gonna be secure if I can't do that?

"They" say that the first couple of weeks can be tough and then all of a sudden, they start getting along. That is encouraging.

I am prepared for the worst. Hoping for the best. Doesn't life settle somewhere in between?

I have not been painting. Just so busy with holiday preparations. I have almost all my Christmas bought and wrapped. Was concerned once puppy got here I would not have the time.

I start college in January. Still have CPT to take. I know I will end up in remedial math. I am fine with that. Will be good to pick up a paint brush again.

Having god-children and their families over for Thanksgiving, along with my dear daughter and son-in-law. Will be moving furniture around to accommodate that! We are very excited about the holidays.

Painting will have to wait!

sister

Isabella needs a sister and we think we have found her.

She's from Kentucky, eleven weeks old, her mother is daddy is three pounds, her mama is six pounds, so she is supposed to end up about five pounds. So, little sister will be bigger than Isabella.

Isabella has never been accepted by any dog. All my friends have very large dogs, so they treat her like an annoyance or like she is invisible. It has given her a bit of a complex. I think she will be much happier with a sista'!

Any suggestions for dealing with a new puppy and a one year old dog? And names. . . I have no inspiration yet. Any ideas?

art festival

We all went to the Art Festival today.

And we couldn't wait for the sugary funnel cakes! God-son and I got in a bit of a sugar fight and he inadvertantly doused me real good!

We had a great laugh. Look at my black velvet jeans! It was everywhere! Even in my purse.

Today was actually Isabella's first birthday. I feel real bad because we left her home while we attended Mass, then the Festival, then dinner at our extended family's house. She did not seem mad at us. And here I thought I was going to have a big party for her. Not a very good dog mommie am I?

third class

Here is the original print.

My copy.

This week, she had me start filling in the color with a thicker paint. Mixing color is very hard for me. Kind of scary, since color is a major part of my hair career! But, I definitely learned a lot with this lesson. I laughed out loud over her face the first time around. It did improve!

I met a woman Saturday on my outing with Gardenia, Susan E. Myers. Oh, my, she really "got me". She is very in tune with the emotional, spiritual connection with painting. I love her work. LOVE her work. I hope she can take me on as a student. She just "retired" from the junior college I am starting at in January. Drat. Well, I have to trust the right instruction will be there for me.

TT and I had a delightful weekend with our god-children and their mama. I made costumes and we played in the park after church, watched a movie together. . . a wonderful time.

Did you have a nice weekend, too?

Second Class

I am loving my Monday night painting class!

After tracing the entire painting onto the canvas (which was quite a long process itself!), my first assignment was to paint darks and lights.

First, I was instructed to paint a wash over the entire canvas of Yellow Ochre for warmth.

Then used varying intensities of black and water for all the darks. The teacher taught me to squint, looking at the original to see only the "value", or dark and light. Then, I was to duplicate that on mine. Blocking in the major shapes in this manner is called a "layin".

Next, she wants me to begin in the upper left hand corner applying color. Because I am right handed, I won't be smudging my work.

I hope I get some time this week to work on this!

P.S. I have been working on my math skills. My first "test" to see what I am learning I got an 86 on! Not too bad considering I haven't had any math for 34 years!! Hahahaha!

Pensacola Tornado

Thursday, October 18 began as a very rainy, dark morning. I was foiling my first client when my second client called to say there were tornado warnings, but she was still on her way.

By the time she arrived, she said the tornado was downtown, which is only a mile from us. In moments, we saw the inky funnel cloud looming over us out my big window. My first client dove into her bag for her cell phone, Assistant grabbed hers and I began pacing the hallway with mine, "Heavenly Father, protect us in Your mercy, TT, a tornado is on it's way, get Isabella and get in the den, Hail Mary full of grace. . . "

"A., where is Dot?"

"She went to the mall."

Ring her. "Dot, a tornado is coming. DO NOT leave the mall."

"Okay, Mom. Listen, while you are on the phone, I found a great birthday gift for New Mommy. Do you want to go in with me on it?"

"Sure, sure. Just don't leave the mall."

Back to work. Begin a razor cut on second client while first client's foils are heating up in color processor. Cool cut, a Victoria B. bob. The ominous black cloud has receded into the horizon a bit.

Dot calls. "The tornado came by here. Everyone started screaming. Their hair was blowing and insulation was floating in the air and it was really loud. But I am okay now."

Relief. She's okay. Back to cutting. The tornado came very near the mall. The mall. The mall. " SHIT!!!!!!!!" We live four blocks from the mall. "TT and Isabella."

Stop cutting. Try TT's cell phone. No answer. Try home phone. No answer. Hands are now shaking. Must stay on schedule. "A., get ahold of TT. Call Dot. Tell her to check on him. I have to know they are okay."

"OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!" Major cut on bird finger with brand new razor (I don't use a guard). It is over an inch long, and deep. A. faints at the sight of blood so I shoooooe her out of the room. "You have to get a bandaid on me while I hold my finger together", I tell my client.

Finger bandaged. Back to work. TT calls. He and Isabella and house are safe. Wheeeewwww. Breathing again.

Later, we learn the Office Depot parking lot is a mass of turned upside down vehicles.

Dot had gone there first before going to mall. She was ahead of danger by ten minutes. Her father prays every day for our safety. Keep praying, TT.

first class

First painting class tonight with Valerie Aune . This is not college, but an artist who teaches five students at a time in her home studio. She is fabulous!! I was cross-eyed, trying to mix paint to match house paint swatches, and spots in a magazine picture she had circled!

She starts by having us copy a master's painting. Says that many lessons are in copying. As much as a pianist first learns to play by playing other people's music before he begins composing his own.

So, I selected John Singer Sargent's "Street in Venice", 1882. I thought she kind of resembled me and one day, I want to go to Italy.

I know I started a separate art blog, but it is all meshing together for right now. I will use that to display my finished work, but I guess you all are going to go through the agony of the process with me!

TT said I had shining eyes from the class. I really like her style of teaching. Hope I will be able to continue with her once I start college.

art

Friday night we all went to the Art Museum for the Duane Hanson- Real Life opening reception. The kids love art. Their mama loves art. And TT and I love art!

I worked all last weekend on my sewing room/office to transform it into my office/studio because I have decided to. . . . GO TO COLLEGE!!!!! Yup. I am going tomorrow (God willing, that is) to register for January! Going for my AA in Studio Arts. Who knows, I may not stay that course. I do love to write. I actually have many interests. But will start with Studio Art degree.

I only took one semester of college. My parents did not encourage higher education. Funny, because I think my father went for four years to become an accountant.

Mother got her MRS degree twice. She married her high school sweetheart, but was widowed near the end of WW2. She had my eldest sis by her first. He never got to see his baby girl. Died when she was only four months old. Then, when Eldest was four, Mother married my father.

At any rate, it worked for them for her to stay home, raise us girls, refinish antique furniture, quilt, hook rugs, embroider and knit. That seems like a dream world, huh? She always referred to people who did not possess her "common sense" as "educated nit-wits". And Daddy seemed to slight the "college boys".

Whatever, I did not get it that college would help me. Passed that erroneousness on to my Dot, who really would have loved a higher education. Oi.

I don't know why the bug has bit me at this stage in life, but it really has. I did some online lessons in algebra and I floated the whole next day from solving one equation!!!

I know this, I want our god-children to go to college. I am already instilling that plan in their trusting brains.

Young Eagle

God-son's first flight today. Pilot was incredible. Walked god-son through every step of pre-flight plane check. Pilot is retired and lives on the airfield access. Some people have horses, he has airplanes. They don't take a cent for this. Just want to pass the love of flying on to the next generation.

TT could tell you more about the plane, but suffice it to say, it is new and fabby!

As god-son disappeared, I told his mama, "He'll never be the same." Once a man flies, can't no one tell him he don't have wings!

It'll be years before god-son will understand why TT and I watched him fly off into the clouds with tears streaming down our cheeks.

Harrison Ford is the founder of the Young Eagles. A star making a way for over a million boys and girls to test out the galaxies for themselves.

fifty-eleven

Tomorrow is TT's birthday. But we celebrated today. Fourteen around my mother's beautiful table. It was a happy squish.

I made him his favorite, City Chicken. Family recipe from his mom. Actually beef and pork cubes on a skewer, seasoned with salt and pepper, dipped in egg and milk, rolled in saltine cracker crumbs, re-dipped and rerolled, browned in a skillet, then baked in a casserole at 325 for about three hours. You put about a half inch of water in the pan and cover with foil before putting in oven.

All the men at the table LOVED them! Dot made excellent mashed potatoes and gravy. Michelle made a fabby salad. Desert looked tragic, but was a hit. Peanut Butter Three Layer Cake with Reece's Peanut Butter Cups crushed for a filling over the peanut butter icing, between all the layers. (The tragedy was the top of the cake split into thirds!) That with Vanilla Ice Cream on the side.

Wonder why I have a sugar headache now?!!

My special gift to him, besides the meal, was a family membership to the EAA (Experimental Aircraft Association) at the national and local level. The main reason I did a family membership is so TT can take god-son (that's him with TT) to the meetings. EAA does a mentoring program where they work with young boys/men to interest them in becoming pilots. Eventually, god-son will get to go up in one of the planes!!!!

I love my Dot. She is flesh of my flesh and heart of my heart. And, I love our extended family. They are all Christians. The children add so much joy to our lives. Remember how scared I was about accepting this role of god-mother? I got over that!

It's all about being family and making family time top priority.

That's what TT asked for his birthday.

visit

I had an amazing day yesterday! I actually did a totally social thing. I usually spend Saturdays cleaning and organizing, paying bills and making lists for the week.

I gave myself a gift and drove out to visit Gardenia. I mean really, how many of us bloggers long to be able to meet each other and spend real time together and here we live in the same area!!

Of course, we were friends before we both started blogging. She is a dear, dear soul that inspires me and touches my heart. She is an extremely insightful, compassionate woman with a great, giggly sense of humor! I just love her.

I took out my collection of art books and she shared hers with me. I was in awe looking at her many paintings that are in progress. I have so much to learn. It was like a kindergartner visiting a high school senior! She is very gracious to me.

She also gave me an amazing gift. . . she may not want me to say what, so I won't. But it touched my heart. It is a beautiful gift I will enjoy my entire life.

I LOVE to organize. I found myself giving unasked for advice about a studio room for her. I am so opinionated. But, see, she paints in her eat-in kitchen. However roomy it is, she has to put things up for meals. . . Plus, it would really bug me having people milling around so close to a work in progress. Painting is rather private.

She has this lovely front room with a huge bay window. Lots of light, nice high ceiling, french doors. . . doesn't that scream "ART"?!! So, I want her to extend her kitchen flooring in there, do a "Clean Sweep" and get that room supporting her fabulous talent. She can put in a small window a/c unit, fabulous faux silk draperies from ceiling to floor, pipe in inspiring music and paint away. Close the door on it at meal time and go back after without missing a beat!

I hope she lets me come help her paint walls and make draperies and organize stuff!!

It was a fun day!

report

TT took her to Dr. She said she thinks it is all hormonal, that Isabella needs to be spayed. Her surgery is this coming Tuesday. They will keep her overnight, then all day Wednesday while we are at work. She will be home with TT on Thursday and hopefully okay by herself Friday.

Also, her eyelashes seem to be laying in her eye again. Though the graft protects her cornea. We had thought the eye problems were behind us. Oi.

I started taking her for walks around our circle on her leash. That is FUNNY!! She walks fast, then just lays down in the street for a rest!

Dr. thinks she won't be depressed once she is spayed. I hope so. I really don't want a double vet bill. Isabella is costly enough!

Not to mention MY dr. bills!

lonely?

I am worried about Isabella. She is doing much better than last week, but she is still spending a lot of time in her bed. She is eating some, but definitely has lost some weight. She is not upchucking anymore.

Her doc said her blood is fine, no need to be concerned about anything life-threatening. She really perks up when we have company, for a while, at least.

I am going to try taking her for a walk in the mornings now that the weather is so pretty.

I am also thinking about getting her a companion. Yes, another dog. Well, how would you like to be the only human in a dog household, get left alone for hours and the only language you heard was barking and whining? (Okay, don't even go there!!)

I think she may be depressed and lonely. She has never had a dog friend because all my friends and my daughter have these huge dogs who treat Isabella like she is a knat. That would depress me. I hate it when I am feeling invisible!

PS I have a new painting up!

baby shower

I know I said I had lost weight. . . but there are some things I haven't told you yet. . .Ha Ha Ha!!!! Pregnant NOW??? OMGosh, wouldn't that be something?

Dot, A and I hosted a baby shower for a co-worker. She had made this mold for everyone to sign. Since I had matched her colors, I just couldn't resist trying it on for size! (The baby-in-the-belly part, of course)

We had a great time, lots of friends, food and fun and fabby gifts!

How was your Saturday?

six pounds down!!

I got a treadmill two weeks ago. Doc's orders for me to walk two miles a day. I am a wimp about weather and can't risk not walking for weeks at a time because of the cold this winter.

I never thought I would like walking inside, but I love it. Maybe because I am such a charts and graphs girl and I can see my progress with mph, heart rate, incline %, calories burned, speed. . . I set little goals. Like I have to burn more calories than the distance I am walking.

If I walk 2.5 miles, then I have to burn more than 250 calories!

I have lost six pounds and I don't know how many inches. Of course, I have slowed down to nearly nothing on the wine or vodka. . . you know that helps. Then if I am not having those refreshments, I don't want late night shnackies, so no calories taken in there, either!

I want to get down to 125. I am down to 133 right now. So, five to eight pounds more and I will be so happy!!

Quote of the day, from Matthew Kelly, "In a sense, the body is like money- a great servant, but a horrible master." I have stopped yielding to it's childish demands and am giving it what it needs! Ha.

devotion

I painted it. But the words from my devotion today are too rich to not share. May they bless you as they did me. My love to you all. .

The Triumph of the Cross

A huge dynamite blast rips open a mountain. A powerful avalanche rushes down a slope and levels everything in its path. A raging flood drives through a ravine at a furious pace. In each of these scenes we see manifestations of incredible power. Nothing can stand in the way of these forces, and anything that comes into contact with them is overrun. Well, today the church celebrates the Triumph of the Cross. As dynamite, avalanches, and raging floods are three of the most powerful natural forces we know, so the cross of Jesus is the most powerful spiritual force in the universe.

Has any other single act in history won forgiveness for every sin that has ever been committed? Has any other event brought about the complete frustration of the devil’s attempts to control our lives and move us away from God? Was any other event powerful enough to tear the veil that separated heaven from earth and reveal a new and living way to the Father?

Like dynamite, the cross of Jesus has the power to blast away any deeply ingrained pattern of sin in our lives. Like a mighty flood, it can wash all anger, fear, and despair from our hearts. Like an avalanche, it can shower down on us the love of God in a way that destroys any obstacle to his presence. This cross is our way of victory because it points to a new day, a new hope, and a new joy.

How about you? Is there a sin pattern that needs to be exploded? Is there a relationship—perhaps with your spouse or a close friend—that needs healing? Is there an inner voice that constantly reminds you of your past failures and keeps you bound in guilt or hopelessness? Then today is your day. Take your sins, your weaknesses, your failings, and lay them all at the foot of the cross. Then rejoice with the angels and saints, knowing that this cross—radiant and triumphant—can overcome every spiritual, physical, or emotional obstacle to God’s love.

“Jesus, I marvel at the power of your cross. I believe that your death and resurrection have won my complete redemption. With joy, I celebrate the triumph of your cross—even over those situations where I have yet to taste your victory.”

Numbers 21:4-9; Psalm 78:1-2,34-38; Philippians 2:6-11

Dark Hour

This is for another friend. Dark Hour I am intrigued with the idea of doing more Sacred Art. I have bought some drawing books to keep training my eye, hand and brain!!

After this one, I have a comical one in my head that has made me laugh ever since I "saw" it.

I have decided to start an ART BLOG, and I put the link up. That way this blog can be about regular living and those of you that aren't waiting with baited breath for my next piece of art won't have to feel like you're at a museum!!!

Ha ha ha.

bags too!

Gardenia got me going with her post on bags. I have quite a bag history!

Twenty years ago, my sister gave me the striped cloth bag Isabella is standing on, in a package of six. She was environmentally conscious then. I rolled my eyes over that part, but the bags appealed to me for a different reason.

When in a car, I cannot stand stuff rolling around on the floor, rattling or making any other noises! I have a bit of an anti-noise fetish. ( Like I hate hearing my husband chew anything when we are watching TV or movies, especially in a dramatic, emotional part.) With the cloth bags, my stuff could travel in silence!

Anyone who travels anywhere with us knows the number one rule is no plastic or paper bags in the car. Those go in the trunk!

My cloth bags have seen a lot of cherished belongings transported to and from this house and loved ones, work, play. . . all in silence!

The green floralish bag is my plastic lined Vera Bradley lunch bag. A good friend gave that to me for my birthday last year! Salon owner called my other bags "Hobo Bags", so I was happy to upgrade my bag image! I take my lunch to work nearly everyday. I like knowing I have my healthy salad, complete with tomato, lentil bean sprouts, avocado, broccoli, celery, garlic and feta waiting for me safe in my VB bag.

I left out of the picture my knitting bags, book bags, beach bag, cosmetic bags (I have one for face, one for body, one for hair, one for makeup), jewelry bags, vitamin bag.

Then we get Isabella, so she had a winter bag and a summer bag for the happy times we take her "bye-bye"! She likes to sleep in her winter bag every now and then. She just started doing that again this past week. . . is she realizing fall is soon to come?

TT took one of the cloth bags for all his meds and snacks and whatever. If we ever get on the road to anywhere, even just to church or a friend's house without his grey striped bag, we turn around to fetch it.

Hmmmm, now that I am painting and learning to draw, looks like I need an artist's bag, too!

Are there other bagaholics out there besides me and Gardenia?

kindergarten

I am calling this Communion. Painted it for the mother of our god-children. The Sacred Heart of our Lord, present in the Bread and the Wine. I got the perspective backwards on the Bread and it looks kind of moldy. I was trying to create texture so it wouldn't look like a brick!

I actually like the wine bottle. It is a little crooked, but I think that gives it character.

My least favorite is the Cross. I wanted it to look like it was translucent and glowing. And the heart is too muddy of a color. . . I was trying to make it translucent, too.

Okay, I am risking it, but y'all be honest. . . Gardenia has been so sweet. Tutoring me through email. I sent her the almost finished painting, so she did not get to help me create this. She makes me feel like there is hope.

So has Dot. She has amazed me with her sweet enthusiasm. She even tried to help me find a class today. So far, nada.

First sketches from drawing books. Don't know why the picture of the peach sketch is so fuzzy!! hahaha.

Son-in-law brought me over a fabby easel (on loan). So nice to work without wiggle!

struggling

I took off on Friday. Just to have a "me" day. I set up a little "art studio" space in our "library". I went to the local craft store. Bought a cheesy stand-up easel, because my back is objecting to too much sitting.

And I bought more acrylic paint, more brushes, drawing pads, pencils erasers, books, canvases and such. My daughter is a bit quizzical, though supportive of this "new" interest of mine. I saw something change in her eyes towards me when I showed her my sketch pad that dated back to 1996.

I have wanted to paint for a long time. My problem? I am so impatient. I want to be great instantly. My adult brain knows better. I guess it is the child in me that wants success NOW!

I am aggravated because I have not been able to find any acrylic beginning painting classes. People say, "Just paint." But that is not my belief system. I know I don't know anything about it. I like to learn from masters. I believe they can save me a lot of grief.

Plus, they will make me do what I don't want to do so I am able to do what I long to do. They will force a discipline that I don't even know I need.

My son-in-law said to take drawing classes. Oi. I know he is right. That is boring to me. I love color. It is also intimidating, because I am not a natural at it. But, I just read on Duey's Drawings that drawing is "60% patience, 30% seeing and 10% ability."

What an encouragment! Also tells me I desperately need help with the "seeing" part. So, I will call PJC tomorrow and see if they have any drawing classes since they had no acrylic painting classes.

I have put this part of me on hold for too many years. For about five years, I did not touch it because of my daughter's involvement with an artist. When we went to an art festival together and he rolled his eyes over how "terrible" their art was, I thought to myself I would never make myself vulnerable to his harsh critique.

But today is a new day. I am surrounded with love and support. I have no goals with art. I just want training. I want to see what is in me that has never been released because of no training.

I love color. I love joy. I love humor. I love depth. How does that translate to canvas? I don't know. But I want to.

painting

 

 

Here I go! Off to follow another dream!

I have wanted to paint for a long time. I want to use acrylics.

These are the first two paintings I have done since high school!! Ha ha, isn't this a gas? I am looking for lessons.

Whatcha think?

love

There wasn't a dry eye watching them dance. Liquid love.

I can watch this ten times and still want to watch it again. So many reasons.

She is beautiful and fragile and strong, too. She is graceful and gentle and delicate. She loves with her whole heart. She picks up on the little things everyone else misses. And she is like a carbon copy of my mother.

He loves her strengths and doesn't see her weaknesses as weak. He holds her close to his heart, yet with plenty of room for her to breathe. He loves her fiercely yet handles her tenderly.

It was a long road to this dance. Many prayers and tears were poured out in the desperation of dark nights for her to escape a toxic marriage and be truly loved.

She is safe now. She is in the arms of love.

doing the wild thing

Isabella.
Eight months old.
Four pounds.

A female. . . she confuses me!!!

How about you?

confession

It has been a long time. Spending this time with the Lord revealed some dirty spots in my heart.

I went to 8:00 a.m. Mass yesterday and then to confession with Father Mercy. He spent over an hour with me. His insights were breathtaking.

Some I will keep private. One I must share.

I have this tendency to beat myself up a million times for my sins and errors. I have heard people say that to me. I thought they just did not understand my need to take seriously my wrong ways.

Father Mercy said the same thing. Then in his broken English,

"Haydi, do you realissse tha' God does not even remember your sins?"

"I weel proof it to you from thee Bible."

"Many preachers an' priests use thee Old Testament to make people feel guilty, then point to thee collection plate," he shook his head sadly.

"Thees eez not church, thees eez a business. It eez so wrong."

"Thee Old Testament eez only thee beginning of thee revelation of God. Thee New Testament eez thee fullness of revelation, as Jesus said, 'I have come to fulfill thee Law, I am thee better Covenant'."

"But, eef you look, you will see thee grace of God in thee Old Testament."

Then he told me how the prophet Jeremiah first told the Israelites they were adulterers for following after false gods. It took thirty chapters of God chastising them for their unfaithful, hard, prideful, deceiving hearts for them to repent.

But, they heard Him finally and they returned to their first love, the One True God.

In chapter thirty-one, the same prophet addressed the same people, "Again I will restore you and you shall be rebuilt, O virgin Israel. . . "

"You know, Haydi, an adulterer can never become virgin again. God FORGOT their sin and called them Virgin."

He reminded me of the parable of the Prodigal Son and how the father never referred to his sins, but restored him and gave him all the best of his house.

"And remember thee prostitute tha' Jesus renamed Mary? She never again was a prostitute in His eyes, so much so that she was thee first He revealed Himself to from thee grave."

"So, you see Haydi, you have confessed your sins and He has forgiven you. But more, He has FORGOTTEN. You are Heez daughter."

Oh, my penance? "When your back hurts, offer it up to Jesus an' thank Him for Heez mercy."

Something of the mercy and grace of my Father moved from my head to my heart. Though men never forget my sins and some never let me off the hook, I stand before the Mercy Seat of God a virgin daughter.

Why have I waited so long to go to confession?

P.S. Doing my own research and just found in Hebrews, in a discourse on how the New Covenant makes the Old Covenant obsolete, 8:12 "For I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sins no more." I have had a warped concept of God. He IS MERCY.

presence

This has been a beautiful week. I have been loved in all directions.

Friends and family have brought over meals, flowers, plants, cards and visited with me.

My good friend L has been going through an amazing journey with the Lord and her walk with Him has helped me come back into His presence. Had I been working, I would not have been available for 2:00 a.m. phone conversations. Her transformation from fearful victim to courageous, joyful overcomer takes my breath away.

She has had incredible, miraculous answer to prayer that has encouraged me back into conversation with the Lord.

I got this new CD by Brian and Jenn Johnson, WE BELIEVE, that has changed the atmosphere of my home into a haven of joy and hope and peace. Mostly, feeling His presence again, softly, tenderly caring for me, healing my weary heart.

I feel rested, renewed (goes with our freshly painted Family Room in Behr green called Shakespeare!), restored. I have been walking about 2 1/2 miles a day, per doc's orders. I take a nap every afternoon!

Our god children come over every night for dinner and games or a movie. When they leave, I usually go to bed, so I am really taking good care of myself.

I have only taken one pain pill and a few Advil. Am taking lots of vitamins, drinking nearly a gallon of water, eating protein again!

Mostly what I have learned is the presence of God is with me, for me, He is my sustainer, I am not alone, He is our provider and He cares about all the tiny details of our lives. He is gently revealing the parts of my heart that have been closed off to Him.

He is gracious and good and He has made my recovery time marvelous. I am so glad now that I was under "house arrest" as I called it!

In the stillness, His presence took me to a place of great peace.

Thank you for all your prayers. As you can see, He hears you!

pruned

Here it is 2:30 a.m. I should be sleeping. Had to write. Am standing as I write, as I have been instructed to only sit for twenty minutes at a time and to walk, walk, walk.

The drugs from the 11:00 a.m. surgery are beginning to wear off and I have only an ache at the surgical site. NO PAIN down my ravaged leg. The piranha is gone. Thank GOD, a million times.

I worked Tuesday and Wednesday. Honestly, I did not think I would make it. The grace of God, A's fabulous help, and my determination to take care of my fabulous clients. . . I made it through. We did in two days what we normally do in three days.

I am taking off all next week. The doctor wants me off for two weeks. I will be off for eleven days. That is pretty close. And thankfully, my schedule is jammed for the next month.

Dot took me to the surgery center this morning and stayed with me for a while. We had some very good conversation. She made the statement, in reference to cooking a meal after working all day, that she hates stress.

She said, "I don't like myself when I am stressed." Hmmmmmm. I have been thinking about this all day.

I don't like me when I am stressed either. I just have never put it that way. Or stepped back to look at the picture of my stress. Yech. Stress most likely has attacked my back.

See why I love her so? Over the years, she has dropped these simple nuggets of gold that have helped alter my life view.

Today a slipped disk was pruned. And so was an unhealthy response to my full and blessed life.

Good work, docs. . .

decision

I am giving up my fight and gonna have surgery. I have tried everything natural and conservative to save my back. I am still in very bad pain.

Thursday at eleven in the morning, I will submit myself to a microscopic discectomy, an outpatient one hour surgery. The neurosurgeon is promising an end to all the leg pain. He feels I may have residual back pain, maybe.

I will take off from work until Tuesday, July 30. I have been told to do a lot of walking, that walking heals the back. Cannot sit or lie down any longer than twenty minutes at a time, with the exception of nighttime sleeping.

I am taking lots of Vitamin C and eating more protein.

I had a tonsillectomy at seven, birthed my daughter at twenty-two. Don't frequent hospitals much!

But it is time to get help. I am a little scared, but more relieved.

second shot

The pain is back. Was improving so much, enough to even cook and do some light things around the house on Saturday.

In the middle of Monday night, I got up and was so happy to realize I was even better. Almost no pain as I walked down the hall and then back to my bed. But Tuesday morning, I was sleeping soundly when my alarm went off and I jerked to answer it. . . Yes, you guessed, I felt the strain immediately.

So yesterday was tough and today at work was even worse. I am okay sitting, but I cannot stand up for ten seconds without the roaring pain all the way down my hip to my ankle.

I called the pain management doc this morning on his cell. He called back at 8:30 tonight. He is going to try to get me in for a second epidural about 7:00 a.m. tomorrow. He leaves for a ten day vacation tomorrow afternoon. Thank God I called today.

I am discouraged. I am really thinking about surgery. I just cannot manage this extreme pain. And to have it get worse over something so simple as turning my alarm off. . . that is just crazy.

So, I need prayers for healing and mercy.

I also need someone to tell my why my Picaso piccys are not showing on previous post? Very irritating.

Of course, everything irritates me right now. Pain sure reveals a yechy side of me. God help me suffer better.

cycles

Remember how awful I looked April 17 with that terrible hair cut? Mommie called the same groomer because she really is a nice lady. Told her just to shave between my eyes, clean up my feet, pull the hair out of my ears (yowwwwwwwwwwww!) and bath me.

I am much happier with how I look. Some of my bangs have to grow more to get into my pink bow.

Actually, yesterday was a happy and grumpy day. After a visit to the emergency room two weeks ago, an epidural shot and lots of Advil, Mommie's back seems better. She has been drinking a gallon of water a day, sleeping at least nine hours a night and taking her liquid glucosamine/condroitin. She changed beds around and has found the hard guest bed worked better than her soft, memory foam topped bed.

She even cooked dinner for our good neighbors. She had to sit while she was cutting up peaches for her homemade peach cobbler (yumm!), but still, she cooked! She was very pleased with herself. I hope she did not overdo it. She is moving a bit slower today.

The grouchy part of yesterday was that I . . . became a woman. I. . uh. . .er. . . ahem. . . began my female cycle for the first time. My birthday is November 4, so I guess I am a late bloomer. Now Mommie understands why I was growling at all those dogs at the Fourth of July party she took me to.

So, last night, after dinner, I was so excited (blush) that our neighbors brought their boys over to see me!!!!

I tried to tell both of them that I was. . . er. . . available.

Duh. . . they kissed and sniffed.

And I have to admit, I acted a bit forward. . . but. . . grrrrrrrrrrr. . . that was it. A big nothing of a night. Daddy and Mommie made me mad. They kept laughing at me.

How rude and insensitive was THAT? Parents. They just don't get us kids.